Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I'm back again...

Well, I guess I just can't stay away from blogging. I miss spilling my guts too much.

I am hovering on the brink of a nervous break down. I seriously think I need help. Depression is settling in once again. I can't seem to run from it. My eating disorder is waaaaaaaaayyy out of control and my alcohol use is getting pretty heavy as well. The kids are making me INSANE. I hate my job and my marriage is going to shit. I don't have a whole hell of a lot to be happy about right now.

My daughter went to stay with her dad for a while. I'm glad she's gone because some of the tension in the house immediately went with her. However, I am so scared of losing her for good. She hates my husband so much; all they do is fight. She moved out because of him. When he's not around we get along fine.

Last night my husband made the comment that he would move out if that's what I wanted. He says he can't bear to live with my daughter any more either. That is, if she comes back. So, that was a wake up call. I thought we were doing ok and he hit me with that. I just feel so alone.

Then, this whole eating disorder thing... This is the first time I've actually admitted it on here. I only eluded to it before. It's time to face the music and I guess the first step is to admit I have a serious problem. This thing will kill me but I can't seem to care about that too much day to day. At least enough to shake it.

Depression is like a fog which is just circling my whole life. I felt it creeping up on me this time. I tried to shake it and just can't. It started as a general funk and has grown into the full scale thing. I sometimes want to just swallow a bottle of pills and never wake up again. What I need to do is check myself into a treatment center. How the hell do you make time for that though? I don't have time for a nervous breakdown...


Blogger SCH said...

I'm glad to see that you are back. I wish it was under better circumstances. There is never time for a nervous breakdown, or time to seek treatment for it, you just have to take it.

You know where I am if you want to email or talk.

5:18 PM  

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